Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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