u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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