ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize