a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize