I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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