we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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