I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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