I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize