not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
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I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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