somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize