It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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