Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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