I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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