Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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