I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize