The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize