so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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