when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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