im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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