why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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