I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i believe in u and ur pee
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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