Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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