my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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