my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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