Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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