i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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