I am puke
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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