Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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