I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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