I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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