sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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