drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize