i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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