Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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