Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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