I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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