I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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