I feel like abortions should bother me more
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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