my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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