Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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