I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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