my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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