whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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