part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
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So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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