i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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