Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize