when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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