omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize