Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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