Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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